HopeK429

The older I get the more I realize I want one thing in my life more than anything else:Peace. Well, maybe two things because I also want Mexican food about every day :), but you know.I want peace. I want friendships that aren’t fragile. I want relationships that aren’t volatile. I want people in my life where the connection between us isn’t delicate—where it isn’t easily broken. Where you trust me and I trust you and things are talked out. I want it all as comfortable as possible…like sweatpants that are worn in and cozy and allows room for growth and grace in the same way drawstrings work. I don’t want bad with anyone. I don’t want bitterness, or anger, or awkwardness when we see each other. I can’t handle any of that “are we speaking? Are we not speaking? Are we friends? Are we cool face to face, but behind my back you’re spitting fire and bringing my name down?” I’m full. Motherhood is a mental workout all day, every day. Adulthood in general is pretty stressful. Bills and work and deadlines and all of that business. I don’t want any drama. Not now. Not tomorrow. Not even in tiny doses. None. If you throw it my way, I hate to disappoint you, but I will not even attempt to catch it. I don’t want chaos, or turmoil, or any of that. I don’t want gossip. I don’t want to hear secrets that may or may not even be true. I mean…I’ll keep your secrets for sure, but I’m just going to extend compassion and assume everybody is doing the best they possibly can . I want peace. And I’ve learned that sometimes it’s not really about keeping the peace. It’s about creating peace. It’s about confronting things head-on. It’s about asking good questions. It’s about listening. It’s about keeping my ridiculous knee-jerk reactions to myself. It’s about refusing to brush the difficult stuff under the rug and pretend it doesn’t exist until that rug becomes a mountain in-between me and my friend. It’s about talking things out and approaching every situation with kindness first. It’s about apologizing. It’s about maturity. It’s about boundaries and knowing that even when I give my best, not everyone will appreciate it, want it, or like it. It’s about loving them and letting them go from there.I know I’m a mess sometimes and I’m insecure and prideful and I make so so many mistakes. I’m human same as you
So imperfect. I just…I dunno. I want peace. I want it to ooze out of me. I want it in me.I want it around me. I want it to come through me. No matter what anyone else is doing. I want peace. And tacos and stuff, obviously.And maybe a good cold pepsi to go with it,,